Training my sub

An interesting day, and one of some significant achievements.

First of all, Amy and I got irritated with each other during a discussion of civil rights vs. personal security. Ironically, we actually have very similar views, but differing debate styles that led to an unfortunate misunderstanding. We made up almost immediately, but it was on my mind, especially since Amy felt really sad about feeling she was a disappointment to me. Which is doubly silly, because I am typically the more difficult to get along with. (Duh).

Anyhow, that evening we had some new rope, and I was working on tying a Karada around her when she felt over heated. We moved outside into cooler air, but then she felt faint, so we moved inside and let her rest on the couch.

I felt we should stop, but Amy was insistent that we continue, and this is where I made a serious mistake. Knowing that she felt bad already for fear of disappointing me, I decided to continue with the Karada, even though I didn’t want too, because I didn’t want Amy to feel upset.

Amy continued to feel faint though, so we stopped, but I was upset with myself for continuing, when I didn’t want to, just because I didn’t want to upset her. We talked about it after, because to me it was dangerously close to an enabling behavior pattern I have been prey to in the past – -overriding my own carefully thought out decisions because my partner wanted me too.

This time I recognized it, and discussed it, and I made it clear to Amy that I had made a mistake, and that in the future I would not allow other considerations to induce me to overrule decisions that I feel are correct, and appropriate.

We did have a wonderful evening, with Amy barely dressed in a thin t-shirt and a sarong, watching “Roman Holiday” and eating cold roast chicken and Amy’s homemade sourdough bread with our fingers, while enjoying a bottle of wine.

After that, I stripped her entirely nude, then put on her new collar that we picked up earlier for her at PetSmart, and she laid on my lap on the couch while we talked about the day. After Amy became slightly chilled, I allowed her to cover herself with the sarong, but not to put any clothing actually on. At one point, the sarong slipped down and revealed her left nipple, and I pulled it down further, to reveal both nipples. For me, this was exciting, because Amy’s nipples are continually at one level of arousal or another, and at this moment they were both actually quite soft, and I pointed it out to her.

Amy became embarrassed, and tried to cover her breasts, and I wouldn’t allow her to do so, and watched as her nipples grew hard with her embarrassment in just a few seconds. Quite a thrill, watching them pucker into a wonderfully erect hardness as I watched, almost like a time lapse photography. I saw them soft once last week as well, and quietly took a picture without alerting her, because that was the first time I had seen them like that. I will post that picture here shortly.

Amy’s breasts and nipples are incredibly responsive, sexually, and I’ll have a separate post in the future just about that. I am so used to seeing them erect, it’s hard to even imagine what they look like soft.

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Anyway, we went to sleep, Amy sleeping for the first time in her collar, and in the early morning I woke Amy, played with her nipples as she struggled a bit against the feeling, then decided to take her anally again. The last time after I played with Amy’s ass, I noticed that she has a pattern of feeling stressed when I handle her ass or explore her asshole, even just on the outside, because she is afraid I will do anal with her. So I promised her the next time I fucked her ass I would make it a pain free experience for her.

As best I know, this time was indeed fairly painless for her, and I really enjoyed seeing her face pressed into the bed, the collar around her neck for the first time, my hands on her hips and my cock slowly fucking her ass in the pale light coming through the window. It occurred to me that she would look good with a thong tanline on her ass, so I will get her an extremely skimpy bikini to sunbathe in, and we’ll see some nice tanlines on her ass soon. I want her to sunbathe topless, so her breast tanlines will be far less pronounced, but I think her body will look hot both front and back with thong tanlines. Plus, Amy has never worn a thong bikini, and I think it would be a good experience for her, even if only for sunbathing.

Now that the weather is warming too, I will have her spending more evenings entirely naked, in her collar, as well.

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Counting the times I had anal sex

I suppose I will eventually quit keeping track of the number of times I’ve been ass-fucked. But not yet.

Last night Richard put on my new collar, and then had me sleep in it. Ooooo it’s so pretty! It’s pale blue with rhinestones, and it has a little pink heart tag with my name and Richard’s cell phone number on it. He says that’s in case I get lost, someone can bring me back to him.

It made me feel very owned and very submissive. I woke up several times during the night and felt it around my neck and I felt so happy, so content.

We actually slept through the night without fucking (seriously, this is I believe a first in over a month!), but at 6 am Richard woke up and decided to fuck me in the ass.

A few days ago he had spoken to me about how trepidatious I act when he starts playing with me there. He was concerned about it, because he planned to continue to do anal, and he didn’t want it to be a bad experience for me. So he said he was going to take it very, very slowly the next time, and he would make sure that it didn’t hurt at all.

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I didn’t tell Richard, but I had a bit of a talk with myself after that. I realized that I needed an attitude adjustment. Even though I have been enjoying anal (all 3 previous times), I have been anxious about it because it is a bit uncomfortable at the beginning each time. Also, I think it still seems a bit…out there, dirty, beyond naughty…like maybe I *shouldn’t* enjoy it.

So I told myself that from now on, when Richard starts to play with my ass, I was just going to relax and enjoy it. No pulling away, no moaning, no re-directing (grin).

Which I did, this morning. I wouldn’t say he went “very, very slowly”, as he had said he would. Unless 5 minutes of foreplay is “very, very slowly”, which it mostly isn’t in this household. (hehe I may get in trouble for that comment!)

And it was great. I relaxed and when it was a teensy bit uncomfortable I told him and he slowed down and gave me a chance to catch my breath. After a few minutes it felt wonderful. It’s so hot, on my knees with my face in the sheets, my ass in the air and him pounding away at me. Purrrrrrrrrrrr. I could have easily thrown the alarm through the window this morning.

How can I have a BDSM relationship?

Gosh. I feel like I won the lottery, and how can you give someone tips about how to win the lottery? It’s luck, right? But I’ll try to say a few things that might help. First, if you’re looking for a partner, online makes a LOT of sense, since you can meet so many more people that way. Places to meet kinky people online: alt.com, adultfriendfinder, bondage.com, off the top of my head. I know there are others.

Second, be open and honest but cautious. There are crazies out there and sane people who lie about everything from their age to their marital status. But if you are overly suspicious and play your cards too close to the chest you aren’t going to be able to get close to someone. Even though Richard and I were very honest with each other, we still had several misunderstandings in our first interactions. Cyber is a hard medium to communicate in. But both of us kept coming back to the table to work it out. Which brings me to my third point.

Communicate. Talk about everything. Talk about things you don’t want to talk about. Talk about things you’re embarrassed to talk about. And just as important, listen. Listen to everything, listen to things you don’t want to hear, listen to things that embarrass you. If you already have a partner, and are not sure that they have the same interests, talk to them. You might be surprised. Or you might find something that works for both of you, different from what you originally expected (like what happened with us!)

I would wish for everyone what I have with Richard. Not necessarily D/s, because that is certainly not for everyone. But a partner who you trust your life with, who you would take a bullet for, who makes every day fun and exciting and also safe and warm. I wake up every morning smiling, and Richard wakes up every morning being smiled at. I hope you have that or are on the way to getting it.

Permission to pee

Midnight. Amy is lying beside me again tonight, sleeping. Fucked out, and resting. She woke once to go pee again, and I play briefly with her breasts and nipples as she settles back in again smiling beside me. I see the shape of her nude body under the duvet as she stirs again, awaking confused and asking me what is happening. She knows I plan to wake her and fuck her again before morning, but not yet, and I let her slide back to sleep.

We went to bed early tonight; Amy wasn’t feeling good and wanted to rest. Watching her get undressed, she had on matching red lace panties and bra. Very tempting. But she’s not feeling good, so I passed on the temptation, and let her sleep up in the bed beside me.

Not sure how things started, but I think she actually woke me up a few hours later. A long, slow exploration, with my hands paying extra attention to her ass cheeks, then pinning her down and playing with her breasts, as she began to writhe and moan with the rough handling of her nipples.

I felt very tired, and only half awake, more in a mood to control her than to use her, so I sent her off to pee. She hates that – she has to ask permission whenever she wants to pee, which she has now gotten used to, but when I make her pee it still has a very powerful effect on her.

She comes back to the bed feeling different. Embarrassed, and subdued. Not nearly as openly excited as when I had been toying with her just before, but I know her well enough to know that the wild child is still just beneath the surface.

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Amy’s sexy barely clad ass that I played with tonight.

I take her back in my arms, and begin to play with her body again, playing with her ass, separating her ass cheeks and stroking and squeezing along her ass crack, and manhandling her breasts. I tease her about being embarrassed briefly, but then begin to work more on building her need. Holding her, pinning her down, kissing her neck.

Before long she is openly aroused; not yet willing to beg me to fuck her, but reaching over and gripping my leg, wriggling, and panting quietly.

I flip her over onto her belly, and drag her ass into the air toward me. Her favorite position, and one that I know builds her need to cum. I press my cock into her wetness, and she buries her face in the bedding.

We fuck.

She moans, and reaches between her legs repeatedly to play with my cock, and to hold my balls as I fuck her from behind. She wants me to cum in her, though she doesn’t say so, but she knows it’s hard for me to fight it off when she plays with me like this.

And she’s right. It is hard to keep from cumming for a few brief moments, but I hold it off and continue fucking her. She makes quiet moans, very unlike the ones she makes when I fuck her in the missionary position. Those moans sound almost surprised, as if with each thrust she is startled to realize that I am still fucking deep into her; quiet little delicate cries before the wildness takes over, and she begins to bite and claw.

From behind she usually begs, whimpering to be fucked, or asking “please please please.” I don’t know what she is asking for. She doesn’t either – she never remembers saying it, it just flows from some primal place of submission whenever I fuck her from behind, my hands gripping her pelvic girdle and pulling her back hard onto my cock as I fuck her.

I tease her about being my slut, and ask her if she needed to fuck like this. I force the admission from her; she does not ever willingly admit her need.

We fuck until exhaustion, and I lay beside her stroking her body, placing my knee between her legs and inviting her to press her pussy against my knee if she needs relief, as I twist her nipples hard, making her writhe and anxious to fuck more. Cruelly I forbid her to touch herself, as I feel her need to cum growing.

My fingers dance along her pussy, teasing, and I suck on her nipples. Amy can cum from just having her nipples teased, so her arousal is extreme, and she begs for me to touch her clit, or to let her touch it.

I take her hands and force her to touch all around her pussy, but do not allow her to touch her clit. Her clit is off limits. She whimpers with frustration, but obeys, her own fingers now driving her need higher. She bites my shoulders, probably unaware of what she is doing, as she has done before.

I taunt her.

Then I let her play with her clit, but refuse to let her cum. I force her to masturbate, but don’t let her cum, and she wriggles and writhes and gasps. I want to see if she can cum with my cock in her, and we try that briefly, but it forces her legs too wide, and I am unhappy with the results, so I make her masturbate while I lie alongside her and play with her tits, telling her what sexy tits she has.’

She hates the word “tits.”

I manhandle her tits roughly, humiliating and exciting her, and she masturbates frantically. She pleads for me to allow her to cum, but I take my time, then I tell her to cum, or I will punish her by making her sleep on the floor, which she knows I am anxious to make her do. I demand that she cum now, or be punished.

A few more tense moments as she urges herself towards release, and then suddenly she cums.

Loudly, this time, and writhing on the bed. I am surprised; usually she goes rigid, and cums in dead, intense silence, the ripples flowing over her body, but this time she cums moaning and holding her cunt, legs squeezed together as she rocks back and forth.

I force her legs open, and enter her as she feels the aftershocks, and begin to fuck her again. Normally I would cum in her, but I am too tired tonight. I slow, and hold her, the two of us whispering to each other was we slowly come to a halt amid gentle kisses and happy smiles.

It’s been an hour and a half.

She lies beside me now, nude, sleeping and breathing deeply. When I finish this post, I will reach over for her, my hands playing across her ass, my fingers and lips on her nipples, and I will press her down onto her back, open her legs with my knee, and fuck her again.

The night is dark and silent, and I feel her body beckon.