How can I have a BDSM relationship?

Gosh. I feel like I won the lottery, and how can you give someone tips about how to win the lottery? It’s luck, right? But I’ll try to say a few things that might help. First, if you’re looking for a partner, online makes a LOT of sense, since you can meet so many more people that way. Places to meet kinky people online: alt.com, adultfriendfinder, bondage.com, off the top of my head. I know there are others.

Second, be open and honest but cautious. There are crazies out there and sane people who lie about everything from their age to their marital status. But if you are overly suspicious and play your cards too close to the chest you aren’t going to be able to get close to someone. Even though Richard and I were very honest with each other, we still had several misunderstandings in our first interactions. Cyber is a hard medium to communicate in. But both of us kept coming back to the table to work it out. Which brings me to my third point.

Communicate. Talk about everything. Talk about things you don’t want to talk about. Talk about things you’re embarrassed to talk about. And just as important, listen. Listen to everything, listen to things you don’t want to hear, listen to things that embarrass you. If you already have a partner, and are not sure that they have the same interests, talk to them. You might be surprised. Or you might find something that works for both of you, different from what you originally expected (like what happened with us!)

I would wish for everyone what I have with Richard. Not necessarily D/s, because that is certainly not for everyone. But a partner who you trust your life with, who you would take a bullet for, who makes every day fun and exciting and also safe and warm. I wake up every morning smiling, and Richard wakes up every morning being smiled at. I hope you have that or are on the way to getting it.

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