A rough morning yesterday for Amy. She’s been trying to imagine how one can be property, an owned possession, and still be loved. Her thinking is that you can’t be in love with something that you treat as chattel, and so she ended up feeling very vulnerable and in tears worried that I couldn’t love her, and own her as well.
Complicated. How do I treat her like an object, and yet still love her?
If I control her fully, can she still willingly choose to love me?
Even better: how can I love her, and yet deliberately cause her physical pain, for my own enjoyment?
Fortunately, I am pretty comfortable not trying to define this sort of thing. It seems like trying to warp an extraordinary relationship into the confines of a typically mainstream relationship.
I approach it like this: I love her, and with her as a partner seek to explore the natural extremes of dominance and submission in us both.
I’ve been with partners who did not want to be dominated. Emotionally, I couldn’t go to places as intense with them, because we stayed closer to the risk free boundaries of the mainstream. I always assumed that I could not do the extremes of domination with a partner I loved, because that love would preclude any desire to force, or hurt them.
Such is not the case.
I enjoy forcing Amy.
I enjoy forcing her to accept sensations, both pleasant and unpleasant. I find security in knowing that she will let me choose what I want, and that she will find her pleasure in knowing that I am satisfied.
For Amy, as she has told me, she loves knowing that she doesn’t have to make sure I am pleased; that she doesn’t have to worry about guessing what I want, or fretting over whether she has done what I want. I tell her what I want. No sugar coating. And she does it. She does it, or there are consequences.
The consequences are important. Knowing that there are consequences lets her obey without questioning, because the penalties for non-compliance are worse than complying in the first place. As I tell her, “You can obey immediately, and with a smile, or you can obey upon reflection, ruefully rubbing your chastened ass. Either way, you will obey.”
Her nature is to obey me. I have not seen deliberate disobedience from her.
But I still hurt her.
I like to hurt her.
To take away her air, to spank, to slap, to cause her pain in all kinds of delicious ways lets me dominate her all the time, because she knows that I am quite willing to hurt her for my own pleasure, so to hurt her for a punishment for disobedience is not going to be a problem for me.
Amy is not a masochist. She hates pain. She does like the feeling she gets after I hurt her though, an emotional security of feeling owned, that I will do what I want with her, and not simply play at dominating her.
I am a sadist. I have been with masochists, and found it less than compelling. Why hurt someone that wants to be hurt?
I have no interest in hurting random people. I only want to dominate, to hurt the woman I love. I am not interested in the bdsm lifestyle some choose of multiple “slaves”, for example. I am entirely focused on dominating Amy, and making her mine.
Isn’t that a fairly mainstream desire? Making her mine?
Isn’t that what most people talk about doing in a relationship?
I want to make Amy mine. I do it two ways, by giving her both pleasure and pain.
And thus I own her. The same as any member of a couple owns the other, in their relationships. They just usually bond through pleasure, perhaps. Amy and I bond in additional ways. These are ways that suit us. They do not suit everyone. But the bond I suspect is much like the bond of love that binds any couple to each other.
Again, I don’t need to really define what Amy and I do with each other, although it is fun to try. I just love us together, in all our infinite variety and passion.