I didn’t usually say *why* I needed to leave, and after a couple of weeks, one time when I asked permission he said “Do you need to go pee?”
“Well, then say ‘May I please go pee?'”
Long pause. Inner wrestling.
Head down, “May I please go pee?”
“Yes, you may.”
After that, I had to ask to go pee, rather than simply ask permission to leave the computer.
I got used to it.
As you know, if I get used to something, Richard ramps it up.
One day he said “Go pee now.”
“Go pee. You haven’t gone for a while. You can go pee, can’t you?”
Unfortunately, my tiny bladder would not allow me to lie. I could. I did. But on the way, Richard says I shot him a look of pure hatred.
I had hoped that Richard would no longer want me to ask permission to pee when we were together. A vain hope.
(He also used to make me strip for him on cam, and began having me masturbate on cam. That was hellishly difficult for me. I do not miss that, now that we are together 24/7. He still makes me masturbate for him, but it’s not as difficult when he is holding me.)
After a week or so of asking permission to pee, I actually began to like it. It reminded me, each time I asked, of our commitment, of my promise of total submission and obedience. It reminded me that Richard controlled everything; he could decide when and what I eat, what I drink, what I wear, everything. (Mostly he isn’t interested in micro-managing that way, but sometimes…)
It’s tricky to ask permission to pee when other people are around. I’ve become quite creative about how to ask. “Do you mind if I excuse myself for a minute?” “Anyone using the bathroom right now? Mind if I do?” And the ever useful head nod toward the bathroom, coupled with a quizzical look.
Mostly Richard magnanimously allows me to go pee when I ask. Occasionally he makes me wait. That is really frustrating and really hot. One time it was because he wanted to fuck me first (we were in bed). Another time it was because he knew I was irritated with him and was trying to escape discussing it by leaving the room. So he said no. I insisted that I really needed to go RIGHT NOW. He said no. I pouted at him. He said no. Then he gently returned to our discussion, not allowing me to go to the bathroom until our disagreement was resolved.
Recently he has followed me into the bathroom and watched me while I peed. Ack. It takes me a few seconds before I can, because I’m shy about him watching. Which he loves, naturally.
He’s been observing when I usually need to pee, and now he’ll tell me to instead of wait for me to ask. It makes me feel very controlled, which is way hot to me. That’s not surprising, given that being owned and controlled is what turns me on sexually.
Maybe more surprisingly, it also makes me feel precious to him, and cherished, and valued. Certainly no other man has found me interesting enough to observe me so closely, to want to know me this well. And this, I think, may be the big attraction of D/s to many women: to have a lover who is this focused and interested in her.
I feel blessed. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Even if I do have to ask permission to go pee.