Two evenings in a row I’ve worn chains. We are both surprised by the strength of our response to them. I hope Richard will talk about his feelings separately.
Night before last (which I wrote about in the post below), I asked Richard to take off my chains after we had been in bed a couple of hours. I had a bad headache and they were making it hard to sleep.
Last night I was surprised when Richard told me to get my chains. He loves variety and we seldom do the same thing two days running – shibari, corset training, spanking, face fucking, etc. – all of those happen once or twice and then something new catches his fancy in the short term.
The mood was very different from the night before. We watched a movie (Honeymoon in Vegas), then sat on the couch and talked for a couple of hours. Well, Richard sat. I lay with my feet in his lap. We were talking desultorily, joking, Richard was rubbing my feet on and off. In other words, not a highly charged, D/s erotic mood.
Around 11 pm he said it was time for bed and we headed upstairs. He didn’t take off my chains. He didn’t fuck me. He just pulled me to him and we fell asleep.
I woke up around 5:30 feeling very…different. Richard was still asleep; usually he wakes up before me. I laid there, quietly watching him. I needed to go to the bathroom, but I never thought of asking him and I didn’t think of getting up and going without permission. I just waited.
After about 15 minutes, he woke up. He didn’t smile at me, like he usually does. Maybe because I wasn’t smiling, like I usually am. He just stared at me with his beautiful eyes. After a minute or so, he pulled me up against his chest. I still needed to pee, but I didn’t say anything. About 10 minutes passed.
“You need to go pee. Go.”
So I went. He watched me walk slowly across the bedroom, careful not to trip on my leg chains. On the way, I tried to think about how I felt. I always feel submissive to Richard, always. This was different. I felt…passive is the best word I can think of. I wasn’t going to disturb him to ask permission; I waited until it occurred to him. I think I would have waited a long time.
When I came back to bed, Richard rolled me onto my back and pulled my hands above my head by the chain attached to my wrist restraints. He played with my breasts for a while, rolling my nipples between his fingers and pulling. I started making little noises in my throat, and my hips started moving of their own accord. He slid his hand between my legs and began playing with my clit.
Sometimes when I become aroused, the intensity of it causes me to pull away. I tried to roll away from Richard, but he pressed down with the palm of his hand, never taking his fingers from my clit. I tried to pull my hands down to cover myself, but he wrapped the chain around his fist and pinned my wrists more securely above my head.
My attempts to free myself were clearly hopeless. There was nothing I could do to make him stop. He could do anything he wanted to me. I stopped fighting and quieted down. When he told me to masturbate, I did without a sound. I came, and he fucked me, without any talking, without words. It was so intense, so different, almost like being fucked by a stranger.
Writing this, I finally understand what was so different for me. Yes, I am submissive to Richard. I’m submissive all day, every day, in the bedroom and out. I have never disobeyed him. But I always have that option. I always have the option to say no, to leave, to quit. When I am in chains, that is no longer true. Richard can do whatever he wants, and I can’t stop him. I am truly at his mercy.