Spanking for sassiness

I’m preparing a website to showcase my photography and it’s probable that some of the pics that make the final cut will include an ex girlfriend who modeled semi-professionally. It’s not about the relationship, it’s about the quality of the pictures, and my overall drive for excellence in what I want to do.

Now, about face shots and Amy.

I take lots of pictures of Amy’s face. You just don’t get to see them. And that is most assuredly a loss for the readers of this blog.

I’m still shooting erotica that shows Amy’s face; we are just archiving them until the time comes that we can release them. Five years, twenty years, who knows? But my favorite shot of Amy so far is one of her in a bathrobe and micro blue bikini at sunrise on a balcony in Santa Monica with blue sky and palms in the background. It’s an iconic “California blond” image. But it’s nothing without her face in it.

And that’s where the problem comes in. I’ve shot some great shots of Amy with her face, and then I’ll have her turn her head to hide her face, and shoot another for the blog.

That bothers me.

I’m not striving for excellence, I’m deliberately shooting an inferior picture, and that is demeaning to the picture itself.

So the problem has been with me compromising my own integrity. That’s made me cranky when I’m shooting, and I’ve complained to Amy when I’ve taken a great pose, and then altered it to hide her face, just so I can show it here. And she takes it personally, my reaction to my own issue, as if it were her fault.

No more.
If hiding her face doesn’t also make for a great image and pose, I’m not shooting the picture.

I will henceforth produce only images of Amy that meet my own standard of excellence.

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Getting spanked for being sassy

This has been an extremely challenging work week for me, filled with major deadlines and big meetings. It is sometimes still hard for me to shift gears from being The Big Boss at work to being the little girl at home.

Today I came home exhausted and cranky.

Richard was “awarded” a Pro account at Flickr.com by a viewer who loves his photography and wanted to support him in doing more. He has been trying out all the different functions that are now available to him at Flickr, and he uploaded a bunch of old photos using a “gang upload” function that is only available to those with a Pro account.

(I need to preface what I’m about to say by saying that it’s only later that I realized this is what happened. At the time I just thought I was cranky and irritable from work.)

Richard showed me the new account set-up. The old photos were a bunch of close-up face shots of his ex-girlfriend wearing a gag.

First of all, I’d never seen her face before. She’s pretty.

Second, and more important, Richard has been frustrated lately by not being able to photograph my face. I just can’t do it. I cannot take the risk of being identified here. My career is too important to me, both for supporting my children and because…I love my job. It’s a big part of my self-identity.

So I’m looking at these photographs of his old girlfriend, who was able to give him something I can’t.

bdsmcouple-amy-spanked-spanking

I’m having trouble moving through the Flickr account on Safari and Richard makes a (joking) disparaging remark about using Safari rather than Firefox. To which I make a snotty comeback and then stomp off to the bathroom (after asking permission, I’m not THAT stupid) and slam the door.

When I come back, I say that I want to take a nap. Richard says he’s going to come up and I’m going to get a spanking for being sassy.

So I run up the stairs and LOCK THE BEDROOM DOOR.

!!!!!!! What on EARTH was I thinking?

Especially given that there is a key to said door on the sill, in case of accidental lock-ins. Doh.

So he was inside the room before I’d even gotten all my clothes off (I sleep nude, even for naps).

He pulled me onto his lap and started spanking me. Hard.

Usually when he spanks me, he builds up to it. It feels nice (I’ve written about it before) in a sting-y, thuddy kinda way. But this time I wasn’t ready for it and I was still cranky.

I tried to pull off him but he had a tight grip on me. He swatted me hard a couple of times and I yelled. That didn’t dissuade him. He kept right on spanking.

I managed to wiggle off a couple of times but he somehow twisted around and I was back on his lap and being spanked again before I knew what happened.

I was yelling “Hey! That hurts!” and trying to block him with my hands but nothing worked. Finally I stopped fighting it and was crying quietly. He stopped after a few more swats and laid me down on the bed.

He held me for a few minutes while I cried. After a while, I slowed down crying and snuggled up against him. He lifted my chin up and looked at me.

“Why were you being so sassy, baby? What’s wrong?”

I didn’t know. We talked about it for a while. I thought that probably the week had been harder on me than either of us had realized (although Richard has been AWESOME supportive – doing all the cooking and cleaning and coddling me like crazy). I still don’t know how to transition between Outside Boss Lady to At Home Little Girl. Suggestions are welcome.

He asked if the pictures of his ex had upset me and I was really surprised. I didn’t think so. It was only after I went and looked at them again, in preparation for writing this post, that I understood why it upset me.

Sigh. In Richard’s previous relationships, he has not received the support he needed for his photography (in my opinion). I do NOT want to be like that. I think probably I’m not going to have trouble when he starts working with other models. Or not too much trouble anyway (wow, some of those women are gorgeous). But it is really hard for me to see pictures of an ex-girlfriend that emphasize to me what I cannot give him.

Well, I gotta go. Richard has just grilled steaks and poured a lovely red wine. I feel like such a twit for having any insecurities at all. I hope everybody has a wonderful, sexy, kinky weekend.

xoxoAmy