This has been an extremely challenging work week for me, filled with major deadlines and big meetings. It is sometimes still hard for me to shift gears from being The Big Boss at work to being the little girl at home.
Today I came home exhausted and cranky.
Richard was “awarded” a Pro account at Flickr.com by a viewer who loves his photography and wanted to support him in doing more. He has been trying out all the different functions that are now available to him at Flickr, and he uploaded a bunch of old photos using a “gang upload” function that is only available to those with a Pro account.
(I need to preface what I’m about to say by saying that it’s only later that I realized this is what happened. At the time I just thought I was cranky and irritable from work.)
Richard showed me the new account set-up. The old photos were a bunch of close-up face shots of his ex-girlfriend wearing a gag.
First of all, I’d never seen her face before. She’s pretty.
Second, and more important, Richard has been frustrated lately by not being able to photograph my face. I just can’t do it. I cannot take the risk of being identified here. My career is too important to me, both for supporting my children and because…I love my job. It’s a big part of my self-identity.
So I’m looking at these photographs of his old girlfriend, who was able to give him something I can’t.
I’m having trouble moving through the Flickr account on Safari and Richard makes a (joking) disparaging remark about using Safari rather than Firefox. To which I make a snotty comeback and then stomp off to the bathroom (after asking permission, I’m not THAT stupid) and slam the door.
When I come back, I say that I want to take a nap. Richard says he’s going to come up and I’m going to get a spanking for being sassy.
So I run up the stairs and LOCK THE BEDROOM DOOR.
!!!!!!! What on EARTH was I thinking?
Especially given that there is a key to said door on the sill, in case of accidental lock-ins. Doh.
So he was inside the room before I’d even gotten all my clothes off (I sleep nude, even for naps).
He pulled me onto his lap and started spanking me. Hard.
Usually when he spanks me, he builds up to it. It feels nice (I’ve written about it before) in a sting-y, thuddy kinda way. But this time I wasn’t ready for it and I was still cranky.
I tried to pull off him but he had a tight grip on me. He swatted me hard a couple of times and I yelled. That didn’t dissuade him. He kept right on spanking.
I managed to wiggle off a couple of times but he somehow twisted around and I was back on his lap and being spanked again before I knew what happened.
I was yelling “Hey! That hurts!” and trying to block him with my hands but nothing worked. Finally I stopped fighting it and was crying quietly. He stopped after a few more swats and laid me down on the bed.
He held me for a few minutes while I cried. After a while, I slowed down crying and snuggled up against him. He lifted my chin up and looked at me.
“Why were you being so sassy, baby? What’s wrong?”
I didn’t know. We talked about it for a while. I thought that probably the week had been harder on me than either of us had realized (although Richard has been AWESOME supportive – doing all the cooking and cleaning and coddling me like crazy). I still don’t know how to transition between Outside Boss Lady to At Home Little Girl. Suggestions are welcome.
He asked if the pictures of his ex had upset me and I was really surprised. I didn’t think so. It was only after I went and looked at them again, in preparation for writing this post, that I understood why it upset me.
Sigh. In Richard’s previous relationships, he has not received the support he needed for his photography (in my opinion). I do NOT want to be like that. I think probably I’m not going to have trouble when he starts working with other models. Or not too much trouble anyway (wow, some of those women are gorgeous). But it is really hard for me to see pictures of an ex-girlfriend that emphasize to me what I cannot give him.
Well, I gotta go. Richard has just grilled steaks and poured a lovely red wine. I feel like such a twit for having any insecurities at all. I hope everybody has a wonderful, sexy, kinky weekend.